When I cut my hair off in a whacky spontaneous moment, everyone told me I looked younger. Personally, I hated the haircut – my hair tends toward frizzy and weirdly wavy when it’s short. Now, on a bad hair day, I can’t do a ponytail, a bun, a braid…Instead, I’m stuck walking around with weird hair.
The thing is -why does anyone think I want to look younger? I don’t. I’m surprised that I don’t, but I don’t. I’ve lived every minute of these 52.5 years, and there’s no denying it.
For the first time in 42 years, I didn’t get my period this month. I’d assumed this would sadden me– the end of an era, a true sign that youth had faded. Nope. I’m delighted! From the day I first got it at 10, I’ve said in all seriousness, “I’m waiting for menopause”. My periods were worse than anyone I’ve ever met – horrible cramps, diarrhea, sometimes vomiting and wild and crazy mood swings. During my period, I’ve quit my job, broken up with boyfriends, and worse, all while under the influence of hormones. Miss this? NO.
Now that I’m in my 50s, I don’t get treated like a piece of meat on the street. No one wolf whistles or stares. Yay. And so what if I don’t get hit on when I’m out – well, none of those “hits’ every worked out anyway.
I am finally comfortable in my skin and after years and years of eating disorder, am actually okay with my weight, even though I weigh more than I have in decades.
Yes, I suppose getting older means growing closer to death, which I suppose is the appeal of youth. But if it’s fake, and you’re not actually young, what’s the difference? I’ll be 53 in June and no amount of filler or hair dye will change that. Doesn’t mean I won’t use filler (I won’t) or hair dye (I do), it just means I’m not fooling anyone, particularly not myself.
It’s sad that we’re so afraid of aging, that we’re so “anti-aging”, because, God-willing, we’re all going to age. I refuse to buy anything that says “anti-aging”. THAT sounds like death to me. If I’m not getting older, I’m going into the grave. Sure, I moisturize my skin so it’s not dry, itchy and flaky, but I’m not looking for a product to turn back the clock. I’ve not yet found the clock that works backwards anyway!
So, you can tell me I look nice, but no need to say I look young. And by the way, I’m growing my hair back. 🙂