My friend Jen has gained 35 pounds, and she’s miserable. She hates the way her body looks and is embarrassed by her extra weight.
I asked her if her husband Joe cares that she’s gained weight and she said, “Yes, I think he does.”
Two thoughts immmediately ran through my head. The first was, “what a jerk Joe is. Jen is a fantastic woman, and he’s friggin’ lucky to have her. How dare he care what she weighs.” I was also a little surprised because Joe adores Jen and has since the day they met in junior high school. He waited patiently for her to date a lot of other guys until she finally realized that he, the nice guy, was the right guy.
My second thought said, “See, see, see! Even the best guys, like Joe, want their women thin. No guy will want you, Melissa, if you’ve gained weight. Just like you always thought, you have to be thin to get a man.”
(This second thought ignored the fact that my last three boyfriends preferred me with more weight and expressed the most passion when I looked curvier. Once, when I got down to MY ideal weight, my then boyfriend looked at me with a grimace, and said, “what have you done to yourself? Why would you want to look like this. Please gain some weight.” That being said, i never believed a one of them. Men want skinny women – THAT’S what i believed. And here’s Joe, validating that very fact.)
“So”, I said to Jen, “Joe told you that he’s unhappy with your weight?”
“Oh no,” she replied. “But when I’m this heavy, I don’t want him to see me naked, and he really misses that.”
“Wait, Jen. You’re saying that the only reason Joe wishes you lost weight is so that YOU felt sexier. He doesn’t care what you weigh; he just wants you to be comfortable running around naked?”