I had a very odd experience this weekend. I suddenly realized that I was really and truly happy. The weekend included the perfect mix of time out, time in, fun, intellectual stimulation, productivity and rest. And there was even figure skating on tv!!! Saturday night, I went to bed beaming.
‘Happy’ is not my usual state. After a lifetime of depression, anxiety, and addiction, I’ve gotten to a place where I’m just fine. I know I am very, very lucky and have a good life. I have family, friends and purpose, which is wonderful.
But happy – not so much. I have good experiences and good times, but to say that my general state is joyous would be a lie.
So here I was Saturday night – the most consistently happy I have ever been. I felt it flowing through me. And I stayed present – I didn’t worry about the next day or the next week or anything.
It was so cool. Fifty-two years old and for the first, knowing true happiness.
Of course, I’m not worried that I will become a happy fool. Menopause hormones are raging today. Grrrrrr 🙂