Perhaps the most important key component to getting well is – am I done? Because if I’m done with the misery of life as I’ve known it, then I’m ready to get to work. I need to be fed up and desperate, at the end of my rope, willing to do whatever it takes to get well. But if I have any lingering notion, even the smallest, that I can still do things my way and get well, I’m probably doomed to repeat old behavior. (For now. Until I find I can’t take it anymore, I’ve hit bottom, and I’m ready to give up.)
For me, I came to this place at 40. It finally hit me that everything I’d tried, had failed. That I was still binging, purging, starving, binging, purging starving…and I truly hated my own guts.
It wasn’t a life worth living, CONSUMED with food and weight and very, very little else.
The first part is finding a way of eating that works for me. Whether I follow a strict food plan and/or give up sugar and white flour or begin to eat intuitively or any other way that feels right for me, I need to commit wholeheartedly and give it a chance. I may well struggle at first, I may well find I need to try a different way, BUT i have to be willing to give up my old eating habits and take on new healthier ways.
And, I need to be brave. Desperation will allow me to eat what I need to and not what I shouldn’t. It will allow me to stop purging, not matter the results. Most importantly, desperation will give me the strength to face what’s really bothering.
Because, it’s not about the food or anything else I’m using from the outside to make me feel better on the inside. Whether I’m drinking, drugging, binging, gambling, shopping – I’m using all those as a vehicle to get me to relief. I want to anesthetize feeling. But inevidentally, I find, it doesn’t work. No amount of ice cream or vodka can actually heal sadness, anger, fear or loneliness
But facing these and getting through THEM can help me heal, get well and leave the devastating habits and behaviors behind.
It’s funny that all my life I fed and fueled and nourished my resentments and fears. But I had no idea how to actually feed my body! These days, I face and get rid of anger and fear. And I feed my body well! And I was able to get here, because at 40, I was DONE.