Who Cares?

I gotta be honest – with the weight gain, my boobs are huge. I still have a pretty small waist so, without wanting to, I sport a fairly va-va-voom look. I hate it. I loved when my chest was much smaller and the unwanted attention was a lot smaller too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My next door neighbor, Dave, always stares at my boobs. (As they ARE pretty big, he’s not alone.) He also comments on everything I wear and makes jokes with sexual innuendo. He can be really crass.

I like Dave. He’s a really nice guy, with a really big heart. If someone needs help, including me, he’s the first one there. He goes out of his way for everyone.

I know his marriage is pretty empty. I think he is very lonely. I also get the sense he hasn’t had sex in a long, long time. And I have compassion.

It used to bother me when he made his crude comments. I’d ask him to speak to me like he would want someone to speak to his beloved daughter. He raised an eyebrow, and said, “you’re not my daughter.”

Dave is about 12 years older than I am, but I actually see him as a father figure – he’s truly a caregiver. My dad was never in the picture and he’s gone many years now anyway . Maybe that’s part of why I find Dave’s comments so creepy. Boy would he hate to know I think of him as a father figure!

Today, for the first time, though, his comments truly didn’t bother me. I’d asked him to help me carry something, and he said, “the way you look in that shirt – I’d help you with anything”.

I shrugged. And felt no reaction – I didn’t feel creeped out, nor invaded, not insulted, not diminished. I shrugged. It didn’t touch me. He’s harmless. Who cares?

What if everything could roll off me that same way?

That would be triumphant!

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6 thoughts on “Who Cares?

  1. I agree; however, he’s not going to change. It’s really works for me not to care – to have my own barrier/boundary. It doesn’t touch me. In a way, it has nothing to do with me.

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    1. No, he’s not gonna change. And even if you said, “hey, you know, saying stuff like that is ____” he still wouldn’t change. But I hope you’re simply just giving this guy a pass, and not everyone. Because we can’t continue this kind of shit.

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  2. Also, I have to be 100% honest with you — a reason I don’t check your blog much… is because of your topics and talk of weight gain. You talk of weight gain and acceptance but you talk of only gaining like 10-15 lbs and how this has radically changed your appearance and now you won’t wear white? Now you won’t do x, y, z and feel different? That is literally nothing. I know it must seem like a lot to you but you’re feeding the ED at some level by saying things like that and not truly buying into body acceptance with a lot of your posts. And I think you really think you’re 100% body positive and stuff, but you aren’t. And it really, really makes it hard to keep coming back here. I probably won’t be for much longer. Sorry.

    But you’re trying to run a blog about ED recovery, acceptance, but you make these comments here and there and honestly there are lots of red flags to me. You’re not fat. You’re not busting out of your stuff because you’re legit fat. You’re only busting out of your clothes because you haven’t gotten proper bras and clothes that fit well and that’s it. I’m quite sure you’re not fat in the slightest and as someone actually “fat” right now, it irks the shit outta me.

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    1. Also, I do not believe i am 100 percent body positive at all. It’s a journey. I’m learning. Your comments are so helpful. P.S. I didn’t realize I posted my last comment. It was incomplete.

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  3. I so appreciate your honesty! Thank you so so much. First, a small thing – I don’t wear white because I am sloppy, not because I think it makes me look fat. I end up with coffee and whatever all over my white outfit. AND, I used go up and down 80 pounds. However, for about 15 years, I stayed the same. Now, I am suddenly gaining weight, eating exactly the same. It complicates things. Menopause is weird in a lot of ways. I am so glad you write!

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