Today, I helped out at a bake sale for a dear friend. The strangest thing happened – surrounded by every kind of home-made cake, brownie, cookie, muffin, cupcake, candy – I had absolutely no desire to eat any of them.
I didn’t have to think about it or push myself away – I just wasn’t interested. At all.
To me, that’s insane – well, actually, a miracle. I’m a woman who regularly ate quarts of ice cream while watching one evening’s television. For starters!
Sugar was my absolute weakness. I could consume more dessert than seemed humanly possibly – I’d shock even myself. There was no stopping me – I’d gorge until barely able to breathe.
When not eating them, I was fantasizing about sugary desserts. As an anorexic in my 30s, I’d keep lists of foods that I dreamt of eating. They were ALL sugar. Pecan pie, hot fudge sundaes, Sara Lee brownies….and on and on.
Today, all day – no interest. I didn’t even want anything.
Why? Well, I can’t quite put my finger on why it works – but the 12 Steps changed me. Most likey, because I gave up and accepted the process.
Why did I give up? I just could no longer live with my face in a trough. I couldn’t spend one more minute in obsession, compulsion, misery and most of all, self-hatred.
I was done. Like the 12 Steps, I highly recommend giving up. It’s incredibly peaceful.
Back in the day, today’s bake sale would have set me back at least 20,000 calories.
Here are some of the excuses I would have used to allow me to binge;
First of all, Saturday is the only morning that I have to myself. It’s my one catching up on a sleep, running errands, calling friends, relaxing morning.
So, having to be somewhere other than my bed early Saturday would have provided a perfect reason to start gorging on the baked goods.
Second, it was really cold outside, and I stood out there for almost 7 hours. I HATE THE COLD. Being cold would ALWAYS have been a perfect and great reason to binge on baked goods.
Third, at times standing outside selling cookies for hours wasn’t scintillating. BOREDOM – the IDEAL reason to binge on baked goods. Come on, that’s a no-brainer, right?
But not today. Today, I was tired, cold and sometimes bored. But I was never, even once, interested in eating dessert.
What I was able to do was focus on the reason I was out there today – to raise money for a very brave woman battling cancer. When tired and cold, I reminded myself why I was selling baked goods and raising funds.
And I was blown away by the kindness and generosity of friends, acquaintances and even strangers. My belief in the good of humanity was re-kindled – not so easy in these troubled times – so I am even more grateful. I left the bake sale truly at peace.
NONE OF THAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I’D SPENT THE DAY BINGEING!