Yesterday was such a long and busy day, and I was tired. Also, I knew I’d be eating a couple of meals on the run and at odd times. One of those meals would be with someone who’s weird about the way I eat – small quantities and only when hungry.
Briefly, I considered bending my ‘rules’ – the very guidelines that keep me sane and comfortable. I must have been really tired, because I can’t remember the last time that thought came to mind.
What would be so bad about taking ‘a day off’ from my way of eating? Why not have a cheeseburger with a friend before a concert, even though I wasn’t slightly hungry and had eaten a late lunch?
Immediately, my mind gave me the answer. I could visualize clearly exactly what would happen. I would consume a burger, and food would consume ME.
AND I wouldn’t pay a minutes attention to the concert I’d been longing to see. I’d be sitting there thinking about how much I’d just eaten, how full I felt, how wrong I’d been to eat it AND I’d then think exclusively about food. What could I eat next? When could I’d eat next? How I’d need to starve tomorrow to make up for the damage.
I could picture the scenario as though it were happening – a lovely night completely annihilated by eating off my perfect plan for me.
The concert tickets were a gift from my friend. They were way way too expensive (amazing seats) and more than she could afford. We were going to see my favorite performer of all time. My friend drove us all the way to Queens and back. And although she had a badly sprained ankle, she gamely walked (limped on a cane) blocks and blocks and blocks from our parking spot to the arena. The concert was beyond wonderful, and I watched and heard every moment with open eyes, an open heart and compete awareness. Heaven!!!!
Now imagine that very same concert if I’d decide to throw my food plan to the wind….