Sick and Food

Just back from the doctor, who diagnosed bad tonsillitis that’s looking like strep. A sinus infection and fever. She looked in my mouth and said, ‘wow, you must feel horrible!’

Mostly, swallowing feels like daggers jabbing at my tonsils. Even tea hurts more than it’s worth.

Interesting position for a compulsive eater, right? Even if I wanted to eat, which I don’t, food gets stuck in my throat. I tried a soft boiled egg and OWWWWWW. Once again, truly hurts more than it’s worth.

I’m sucking on ice cubes, but even that still involves the dreaded swallowing.

I’ve had a history of tonsilitis and back in the (anorexic) day thought it was fabulous that I couldn’t eat. In my late 20s , I had tonsilities, followed by mono, followed by strep. Next , my wisdom teeth got pulled, and I suffered really really bad dry sockets, I could not eat. Eventually, I lost about 25 pounds and went from a little overweight to genuinely thin.

I loved it! I said, Thank you God for making me so sick for months that I couldn’t function in the world BUT I WAS THIN!!!!

Thus began years of anorexia. I thought i’d proven to myself that I really didn’t need to eat. And all the endless praise and reocgnition and accolades made it all seem VERY worhwhile.

I don’t remember tonsilitis during the bingeing years, but I vividly remember bingeing through numerous stomach viruses and flus. Didn’t matter that it made me so much sicker – I had not choice; I just had to eat compulsively. It certainly didn’t matter that I was sick and nauseous and could barely drag myself out of bed (see the word barely ) Somehow, I managed.

Today, I don’t care how much weight I might lose because it’s excruciating to consume.

I wish I felt better and pray I can make it to work, tomorrow, the busiest day of my company’s year, by far.

I’ve now taken antibiotics, Advil and Tylenol and if there is some relief, today I will drink high calorie orange juice and not diet soda. I will put honey in my tea – not sweet ‘n low. I will take care of myself.

Now, I’m off to bed for the remainder of the night. A fluffy feline is already in. 🙂

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