As part of keeping a clean relationship with food, I try my best only to eat when I’m actually hungry. Almost always, that’s possible.
I’m sure this can be a little off-putting. Friends will ask if I want to grab a bite to eat, and I’ll say I’ll have coffee, but that’s it. Because I’m not hungry. Happens often enough. If anyone’s bothered, I figure that’s their problem – who cares what I eat? Or don’t. I’m there for the friendship.
However, dating is a whole different issue. You don’t want the guy to think you’re a weirdo, right off the bat. So, this morning, for the first time in years and years and years, I ate breakfast.
I don’t eat breakfast, because I never wake up hungry. I hate the morning, drink too much coffee and grunt until about noon. I’m ever in the mood for food until at least 11 am and even later on the weekends.
But this morning, a new friend met me at the DMV at 7;30 am to renew or licenses. And then of course, he wanted breakfast.
Grunt. I can’t tell you how many days I spent wondering if I could just get coffee without making a scene. And for a few days, that was my plan. I even considered (okay, I know I’m not completely well) telling him that I had a stomach ache, so I’d only have to get tea. (Not my beloved coffee, since I’d allegedly have a bad belly.)
But, after meeting him this morning, I changed my mind. We laughed our way through the DMV (a mob scene first thing on a Saturday morning), and it was actually fun.
When we got to the diner, I really and truly didn’t want him to think I was a weirdo, uptight and difficult, And so, I ordered and ate food.
Turned out fine. I won’t continue eating when I’m not hungry – not good for my head. But it’s good to know I can do it uneventfully.
Addendum: If you do think that my approach to eating is weird and restrictive and still disordered in some way, know how very, very sick I was. My current habits keep me happy and healthy and properly nourished.