To the Beat of our Own Drums

I’ve always been.. different. Quirky. Odd. Eccentric. Unique.

As a kid, I was depressed and friendless, with no idea how to fit in. I’d spend my time indoors, reading or watching endless hours of TV. My ‘friends’ were Mary Tyler Moore, Hawkeye Pierce and Keith Partridge.

Later, as everyone around me got married, went to law school, had kids, I continued to flounder. I never found a steady career, a strong relationship or anything much that resembled ‘normal’.

In the work world, I struggled with typical jobs. For one thing, I have NEVER been a morning person and am miserable when having to be at a desk first thing. Working nights has always worked better. Also, I hate at actually sitting at a desk in an office all day. I feel trapped and stuck.

A therapist once told me that my preferred hours are those of an addict. Addicts like nights and hate mornings. Well, I guess the shoe fits?

However, even as a child, that’s how I rolled. I was a very young insomniac, who’d stay up all night reading. (I was also terrified of the dark and often couldn’t sleep until the sun came up.) Pretty much every day, little Melissa showed up late for school. I just couldn’t get out of bed, even in grammar school!

In my last job, I’d have to get up at 5 and leave the house before the sun rose. Even when I went to bed super early (yuck!), I’d be exhausted all day, every day and all night too. It just didn’t work. Spiritual friends told me I’d be less miserable if I got up earlier and meditated for an hour before work. Were they crazy?! Even the birds would be waking up after me! Again, yuck.

And, sitting at a desk, time creaks by for me. I’d joke to myself that this was great – I was aging REALLY slowly.

Fast forward to now – working nights and running around the whole shift. I am the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I’m way more rested – I’d so much rather come home late, exhausted and ready for bed. And when I awake up (after the sun. And the birds), I feel good.

Time flies on the job, I’m having fun, there’s lots of camaraderie and best of all, I can be myself – silly, funny, quirky…

For too many years, I tried to shove myself (miserably) into places I just didn’t fit. What a difference it makes to accept my own truth and to live it.

Everyone’s different (certainly different from kooky me!), but as long as we each honor ourselves and follow our own paths, I think we’ll do and be better. 🙂

Do you honor your truth?

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