Kate Spade’s Death

While in my sophomore year of college, I binged compulsively around the clock, gaining 80 pounds in six months. I never slept – I just ate. I hated myself and every bone in my body. I hated life and finally, absolutely miserable, dropped out of school. And as much as I despised the home I grew up in, I felt so defeated I crawled back there, miserably.

I had a classmate that sophomore year who embodied everything I wanted to be – Elizabeth Morris was smart, interesting, open-minded, beloved and beautiful. She seemed to have the perfect, loving nuclear family. If you’d asked me who I wanted to be (certainly not myself!), without pause, I would have quickly and easily answered, “Elizabeth Morris.”

Elizabeth killed herself that summer, after apparently attempting suicide three previous times.

It astonished me that I, who felt I had and was nothing, still had the strong will to live and she, who looked to have everything, lived in so much pain she chose death.

I prayed then, and do to this day, that Elizabeth Morris finally knows peace, wherever she is.

Today, the great designer Kate Spade apparently committed suicide, leaving behind a husband of many years and a 13 year old daughter. I can’t imagine what pain she knew that lead her to that end.

I’d always actually envied Kate Spade. She’s a few month older than I, and I often compared my meager life to her ‘fabulous’ existence.

Kate Spade was so successful (her company sold for 175 million dollars! in 2007); she had a long marriage; she was soo cool and creative and interesting and seminal – who didn’t have a Kate Spade bag or at least a knockoff? Here I was a single, college dropout, struggling financially and working odd jobs. Life would grand, I assumed, if I were Kate Spade.

And, of course, Kate Spade was skinny. Back when I weighed 230 pounds and was the least cool person that ever existed, I knew for sure that Kate Spade had it all. What a life.

Apparently, I was wrong. I’m still here, living life and full of hope. She’s gone.

I pray for young Frances Beatrix Spade. And may the great Kate rest in peace.

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3 thoughts on “Kate Spade’s Death

  1. Peace for all those who ended their own lives. I’m hoping we can find more ways to recognize the signs and intervene, before the sufferer commits suicide. Your gift of sharing your stories comforts me. You provide hope for us all. Thank you!

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  2. Kimmie: Thank you, thank you for writing!!!! Your kindness and compassion are what give me hope. And your faith. Sometimes I wonder, though, is there really anything we can do someone who is in that much pain, that much mental anguish? In my own experience, those who took their own lives seemed beyond help in some way. I really don’t know Such sadness. Thank you again for writing, dear Kim.

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