On Ambien, Roseanne and Me

Sleeping drug Ambien can cause a host of side effects, but it’s unlikely racism could be categorized as one, as Roseanne Barr claims.

A few weeks ago, the comedian wrote in a since-deleted tweet that “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.” The “vj” stood for Valerie Jarrett, an Obama White House aide. This led to the cancellation of her hit ABC show Roseanne, and an apology from the comedian, who said at one point she was “Ambien tweeting,” in another social media post that has since been removed.

Sanofi, who makes Ambien, tweeted a response Wednesday morning: “While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.”

What a great response! And I agree. Besides, Roseanne is responsible for her comments no matter when or where or how she makes them.

However, all the Ambien talk reminded me of some of my own sleeping pill (and potentially dangerous) hijinks.

Once, I took Ambien on a flight back from California only to wake up cuddling the elderly Indian gentleman to my left. Our arms were wrapped tightly around each other and my nose nuzzled the back of his turban.

My brother and sister-in-law held the seats behind me (and my apparent date.) They looked to be in pain trying to contain their laughter.

Nothing became of my affections for my seatmate, but I never took Ambien on a plane again.

I did, however, take it at home. One night years ago, right after I’d moved to the apartment over my brother’s garage, I took an Ambien and crawled into bed.

The next morning, I woke up to find myself surrounded by container after container after container of Chinese food! I couldn’t remember how they got there at all!!

First of all, I barely new my knew address and the apartment is all the way back in the woods. How did I direct someone?

Second, how did I find a Chinese restaurant in Ledgewood, NJ that delivers that late? I barely knew where to find a supermarket at that point.

And the worst question of all (and an embarrassing confession) – I don’t wear anything to bed. How on earth did I greet the delivery guy?

Happily, I cleaned my life up right around that time and haven’t had an Ambien or a naked experience with a restaurant worker since.

Wonder what Roseanne is doing these days?

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