Dating; Lessons Learned

It’s been a tiring week – work, life, stuff, menopause, but there are a few things I’ve learned and noticed – mostly about the dreaded dating.

The first – I actually did go on eharmony very briefly about 12 years ago, when I was about 42. I got tons of responses – so many guys wanted to connect. Most contacted me, but anyone I reached out to, reached right back to me. At the time, I was still connected to an ex-boyfriend and nothing became of it, but I thought there were tons of guys for me to meet, if I’d wanted to. Heck, I think I was on it for only 3 weeks or something.

Fast forward to me now, at 54. I went on eharmony and got fairly little response. A couple of guys who tried to contact me looked truly scary. A few guys were in their early 30s and mentioned liking older women. Uh – no thanks. But generally…not much interest.

So, I decided to take the reins and reach out to guys I found interesting. Silence. One or two – the least interesting and the very oldest – eventually got back to me, but very few and again – the truly least interesting.

Okay. So, that’s where it’s at? Am I aging out of dating? (Maybe not the worst thing in the world?) Maybe.

The second revelation – I was out to dinner with a guy I’d kind of dated at one point, but he’s totally anti-relationship, anti-commitment. So, even though I’d once liked him in ‘that’ way, I decided to see him as simply friend material.

Anyway, we went out for Japanese food. When our meals came, mine proved too hot to eat for a while. He dug into to his and kept eating away. (He’s an athletic type who’s always hungry. When he eats, he focuses solely on the food – meals tend to be conversation-free until he’s full. He eats a lot and very quickly.)

After my food finally cooled, it turned out to actually be burnt and inedible. By this time, my friend was pretty much done, and I didn’t know what to do.

I had eaten about a half a bite, which had burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. When our server stopped by early on, her English wasn’t strong, and I didn’t know what to say or do. I hate to send food back. I was hoping it would cool down and taste okay. My friend was just staring at his plate, eating away. So, I did nothing. And when the bill came, I paid for the meal I really didn’t touch.

But, while I didn’t take any action, what I DID do was seethe. Why didn’t my friend seem to care? Why didn’t he notice I had eaten nothing? How could he just keep eating his food silently, while I sat motionless and also silent? Why didn’t he step up and say something to the waitress? Why didn’t he offer me some of his meal?

Why? Why? Why? The real question – why did I just sit there, just feeling sorry for myself. I’m a grown woman – my friend isn’t responsible for me. Why didn’t I speak up? Why didn’t I ask for something else? Why did I pay for something inedible?

Once again, I am my own problem. As always.

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