The Plus and the Minus of Sizing and Bodies

The Good American is a denim brand co-founded by Kloe Kardashian with the radical idea of having Standard AND plus-size jeans offered on the same racks. Nordstrom’s was the first store to pilot this new approach and when it debuted, Good American was the most successful denim launch in history, earning $1 million the very first day.

Good for you Kloe Kardashian.

However, this is the very same woman who, on the tv show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, ‘complimented’ her sister Kim by telling her she was so skinny she looked anorexic and that she had never looked better. Kim thanked her profusely.

Crazy thinking? Yup. Dangerous thinking? Yes, it truly is. Still buried deep down in me somewhere,sometimes. Yup

The other day at the restaurant, a woman said to me enviously, “you look like you never eat here? You can’t be eating this food. Wish I looked like you.”

Some tiny little part of me tingled. Success! I don’t look like I eat a lot.

Of course, my healthy self bristled at the tiny tingle and told her she was dead wrong. I do eat. Everyone needs to eat. Everyone needs to look like she eats, including me and Kim Kardashian!

I’m surprised that tiny voice is still inside of me. Time for more work to make sure she finds peace – and is able to rest in peace!

And kudos to Good American. I hated being banished to plus size sections and/or stores. It felt like I was different, weird, ‘other’, wrong and somehow bad.

A change in thinking is always good.

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Dating and Trust

It’s very hard for me to trust a man. I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve way too many times, and it’s been ripped apart way, way too many more.

The new guy I’m dating is smart and funny and adorable and really, really sweet and kind. He’s all ‘guy’ (fixes things, hangs with his buddies, drinks beer), but he’s also so open emotionally. I have yet to find anything wrong with him.

HOWEVER, I met the guy before him, Jake, on an online dating site too. Jake told me he wanted a real and committed relationship. We saw each other quite a bit for a few weeks and had a great time. He texted, he called, he wanted to see me. I really started to like him. Once or twice, his last girlfriend came up, but that happens. Until one day, he told me that he really wasn’t over her and that he was in touch with her and probably going to start seeing her again, so we should probably table ‘us’.

But – did I want to have sex one more time?

The guy before that, Kevin, I met through a dear friend. Great, great guy – fascinating career, cool interests and a lot of fun. He pursued me, told me he was finally at the point in his life where he wanted a real and committed relationship. We had a wonderful few months. Then he got scared. He told me he just couldn’t be in a relationship. It just wasn’t him. And he disappeared for a couple of months.

Then, he showed back up. Did I want to have sex?

The guy before that, who shall remain nameless, was super smart, funny, inspiring and motivating. We had a wonderful few months together – some of the best I’ve ever had. But then I got way too acquainted with his really bad temper. I stayed a long time, because he was so smart and funny and motivating, but when he hit me – I finally decided to leave.

And we won’t even talk about the men before that.

Soooo, here I am. Here I am with this super nice, cute, smart, funny, ATTENTIVE dear guy.

Hard to believe – I’m actually willing to try again. Idealist? Glutton for punishment? Playing the odds?

We’ll find out.

That Old Obsession

I have a mind obsessed with…relief from pain or discomfort of any sort. So, back in the day, I turned to substance, alcohol and of course, food, the great aneasthetizer.

But my crazy mind didn’t stop there – there’s pretty much nothing I can’t obsess about if … need be.

Like men. Do you all remember the movie, Fatal Attraction – when Glenn Close boils the family bunny for revenge when the guy ignores/dumps her? I’ve always worried I’d become a bunny boiler, so much does stalking run through my blood.

I’ve driven by men’s houses, had other friends call them to see if they answer, had other friends drive by their houses. And always, always, I’ve thought the worst. They’re with another woman, they don’t like me anymore, I said/did something wrong and I’ll never here from them and on and on and on….

If a guy doesn’t return a text quickly, that’s it, he’s definetly done with me and, of course, he’s with another woman. If he doesn’t call or text me first, I can’t stand it and reach out to him. Sometimes incessantly. I insist that he tell me how he’s feeling about me, about us, about relationships, about marriage — all on the the first date .

Long and short of it, I probably drive most men crazy. Hmmmmm, why on earth am I single at 54?

So, here I am, beginning to date a man I really like. Already, I’d started stalking him online to see if he were viewing other women on the dating site we met on. That didn’t go well, because he then thought I was viewing other men, and we both got upset.

Happily, I acted like an adult and brought it up to him; and BLESSEDLY, he was cool and we worked it out.

I think it’s time for me to get over my stalking, my obsession – my insecurity. AND it’s time for me to have a man who makes me feel safe!

And, as always, to live life, it’s self; to contribute; to show up; to be kind, patient, tolerant and loving – and, to stay away from bunnies!

More on Dating and Food

So, I have gone out twice with a guy who’s not into food – clearly he just eats to live. He only feels like eating when he’s hungry, doesn’t really eat a lot and doesn’t care much about what he’s eating. Not adventurous, not a foodie – not interested.

And he couldn’t care less what I eat. He doesn’t really notice – he seems to just want me to be happy with whatever I’m doing.

Joy. Pure and friggin’ utter joy. Love this.

The last guy I dated loved food and tried ceaselessly to feed me. And feed me. And feed me.

The guy before was an athlete who burned up copious calories and needed to eat constantly. And eat. He couldn’t believe how ‘little’ I ate. Oh yeah, and he was dessert obsessed. Obsessed.

The guy before that lived to cook. He’d show up at my apartment with enough containers to feed the Duggars. And it’s only me. (And Rebecca, my cat of course. He’d bring her fresh shrimp and lobster! But I don’t even really want her eating all that.)

The new guy doesn’t even like dessert – although he assured me that if I ever baked something, he’d promise to eat. so that’s not going to happen. lol

So, even if it doesn’t work with the fabulously un-gourmet/gourmand new guy, I think I will add this to my list of pre-requisites;

kind, funny, positive attitude and…. please make sure you can just take or leave food.

Wonder how many responses I’ll get?!!!! 🙂 Perhaps we’re getting an inkling why I’m still single?